Don’t leave me alone with my thoughts.

I had a longer ride than usual home from work last night.  I had attended a jewelry party and then headed home around 8:30.  Here’s what happens when I’m a little tired and alone with my thoughts:  I obsessively think.  I obsessively thought for the entire 45-minute drive and missed about 45 minutes of my audio book (I’m not sure that I care about that because the book is not as good as the back cover made it sound). 

There are two parts to my annoyance with myself about this particular obsessive thinking. 
      1.  What I was thinking about was a very stereotypical girl thought. 
      2.  It made me depressed and mad at myself.

Here’s what I was thinking:  I’m fat.  I don’t feel good about myself.  I reeeeeeeeeeally neeeeeeeeeed to do something about that.

By the time I got home, I was in a funk and Wade, who can read me like a book, wanted to know what’s wrong.  So I told him.  And then I cried.  His response to me was, “do you realize this is the second time you’ve come home from work and cried this week? That’s not a good sign.” 

The first time was because a client implied that I was racist – which is just SO. NOT. TRUE! Can you believe that?  It’s a long story, but basically it’s just not true and although my ire was up, I’m ok with the entirety of the situation for now.

Anyway, yes, I was crying for the second time, but it has nothing to do with work, so I’m not sure that it should be considered a sign of anything.  Except maybe emotional imbalance. 

But here’s my point. Sometimes I don’t want something to be fixed for me.  Sometimes I want someone (Wade, my mom, my sister…pretty much anyone) to just say, “That stinks and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that right now.” 

Not completely deep and insightful, but that’s what’s on my mind right now.  That, and the tossed salad with tuna didn’t quite cut it for lunch.


~ by zuzu on November 16, 2007.

5 Responses to “Don’t leave me alone with my thoughts.”

  1. That stinks and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that right now.

    And ps- I think you’re awesome.

  2. I get it.
    I hope it’s a good restful weekend and you get to do something fabulous!

  3. That stinks and I’m sorry you are dealing with that right now.

    i understand, my phrase i want to hear when i feel this way is, “don’t worry everything is going to be alright”

    i get it too.

  4. I can vouch that you are not a racist! You talk to me all the time 🙂

  5. I can vouch that you are not a racist! You talk to me all the time 🙂

    Give me your client’s number and I will tell him/her so.

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