Out to get me?

I’m paranoid.  I know.

But don’t you ever get that feeling that the world is gunnin’ for you?  The last 48 hours have felt that way.  Usually I sense it’s coming and I can prepare myself, but this time it snuck up behind me when I thought all was kittens and rainbows.  It jumped on me with an evil “MWOOOHAHAHA!!!!” (that’s an evil laugh) and screamed “Gotcha!  Just when you thought you were safe! Here I am to step on your confidence!” 

It really is nothing serious.  Stupid work stuff.  Nothing that is going to matter a week from now.  Or even tomorrow probably…especially since my 3 & 1/2 day weekend starts at noon tomorrow. 

Anyway…

On most occasions I’m not at all reluctant to get up and go to work in the morning.  I truly love my job.  It’s fun and dynamic and I work with great people (except for hummus guy*). But yesterday it was just one stupid thing after another and this morning came too soon and I did NOT want to get up.

So-and-so said that you said this.  (WHAT??  I would never say that! Does that sound like something I have ever said?)  You were supposed to do this.  We talked about it. (WHAT??  Were you talking to my evil twin who has poor communication skills, ’cause this is news to me)Why didn’t you tell so-and-so about this?  (Um, because YOU so-and-so never told ME about it and my crystal ball is in the shop!!!)    

And then my all time favorite moment.  (please note: previous statement is drenched with sarcasm)

It happens a lot in my line of work.

The event is over.  Done. Finished. Terminated.  Caput.  And I ask the big questions:  How was everything?

(pause)

“Good but there are few issues I think we should discuss.”  

Kiss of death.  Followed by more death kisses.  “Maybe we can all sit down and discuss what could have gone better.” 

I know I’m not perfect.  I know I miss things.  I know that things are not going to 100% fine and dandy.  But what gets me is WHY didn’t you tell me about the issues WHILE they were happening so that I could help you fix them.  I’m not a mind reader (see above note about crystal ball) and I’m not a time traveller.  I can’t UNdo what happened, but I’m more likely than not able to help it in the present. 

$%&^*#(^$&*#^%&^&*^%&#$

sorry. 

Whatever.  I have to go have that “sit down” now.  Crap.

* So side-note about hummus guy.  I was sitting next to him in a meeting the other day and staring at him in a disgusted fashion when all of a sudden I see the most fabulous thing ever.  In one very quick motion, he licked his index and middle fingers and swiped them casually over his eyebrow.  It was so smooth that I KNOW he must do this on a regular basis.  I was so very, very disappointed that no one else at the table saw this, but I swear it happened and it is now my personal goal to catch him in the act again.  Isn’t that just great?

 

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~ by zuzu on May 22, 2008.

7 Responses to “Out to get me?”

  1. Ewwww, I didn’t know anybody really did that eyebrow thing outside of cartoon super-villains!

  2. see? he IS evil! i hope your “sit down” goes ok.

    go ahead and tell him one of his eyebrow hairs is out of place!

  3. When I read “MWOOOHAHAHA!!!” I could actually hear it coming out of the mouth of Dr. Evil. classic. Hang in there!

  4. You know who I can picture doing that eyebrow thing? Bob. You know which Bob.

  5. Yuck!

  6. LOL..hummus guy sounds gross and fun to pick on!!!

  7. I wish I had seen the eyebrow guy – that would have made my day. My day = like your day. Sucked.

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