People I’ve Seen – Jersey Edition

My trip to NJ was so fun – it was great to see my friends and hang out with people from college. I suspected that I would be able to gather some good material during this trip, but it was more spectacular than I could have imagined. 

PREFACENone of the people discussed today are my friends (except one); they are strangers that I saw randomly.  My friends are normal (how they got away from the madness, I’m not sure)

We’ll start with the guy I know.

Loafer King
M was the recruiter for Saturday night.  We were to go to a club and see Rob Base. He promised us that once we hear ‘It Take Two’ we could leave. Well, Rob Bass didn’t come on until 1:45 AM and he only did two songs.  So we were at this club until 2 AM.  I’m too old for that. Anyway, there isn’t a whole lot to tell you about M’s outfit except that he was wearing a black button-down collared shirt that was smaller in the waist to make his shoulders look broad and…WHITE loafers. 

80’s Throwback
There were three ladies hanging at the club. They were at least 40 years old, if not older.  They shall be referred to as Cindi, Tiffani, and Babs.  Cindi & Tiffani coordinated their outfits in hair. From top to bottom:  Hair was 1/2 up (the sides pulled into a HIGH ponytail) and they had a shelf of poofy bangs.  Their hairs was bleach blond (using actual bleach, I can only assume).  Make up was just terrible, including the cobalt eyeshadow and liner.  Jewelry was definitely Wal-Mart brand plastic costume jewelry circa 1981.  Tank tops – they were hideous, but wearable, just not cute.  And then the skirt…  White broomstick skirt. Like so:

  except less cute.

Then we have Babs.  Poor Babs.  Not only was she saddled with be the chosen one to wear the belly shirt, she was also the one forced into the blue & white tie-dye mini skirt. Like this:

 BOUTIQUE  TIE DYE BANDANA SKIRT GIRLS 12 MONTHS TO 3T  GWBG DBCB   except bluer and uglier.

Babs clearly didn’t want to be there, but came prepared with her neon-orange earplugs that appeared to be specially fitted for her ears.

The Large Girls
I’m not a small girl; I’m not a huge girl (I think).  And I am pretty sure I know how to dress my body.  But sometimes I get scared when I see large girls…I mean really large girls who obviously have never looked in a mirror to see what they should or, in this case, should definitely NOT be doing.  That is, unless you are a size 2 or less (and even then this is just bordering on mildly almost acceptable), should you ever ever ever consider even looking at – let alone buying! – a dress that only comes to the middle of your bum cheeks.  Wearing black hot pants that are still so short the cheeks make an appearance does not – I repeat, DOES NOT – help your situation.  Even Sir MixaLot would be appalled by these girls. 

Did you try for that hair-don’t?
Every man present (with the exception of 1 or 2 people who didn’t get the memo) had their hair greased into a semi-mowhawk.  Nothing shaved on the side, just all their hair forming a mini-triceratops peak on their head.  Bad look. VERY bad look.  And the silver shirts didn’t help the matter.

I’m relieved that this movement has either passed through, never come to, or will never come to Connecticut.  We stuck-up yuppies just couldn’t handle it. 

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~ by zuzu on June 9, 2008.

7 Responses to “People I’ve Seen – Jersey Edition”

  1. glad you had fun and that the local “flavor” didn’t disappoint!
    now excuse me, i have to get back to tie-dyeing my sun dress and finding where i left those hair scrunchies…

  2. Sometimes I think, “I wish someone would help those women”. Sometimes I think, Hey, if they’re happy, then who am I to judge? What can you do?

  3. I’m just speechless … and also so, so glad I wasn’t there to witness the horror …

  4. Not a huge girl…a hot girl! 😉 What color? 😉

  5. You are NOT a huge girl. You are smokin’! And I’m slightly offended because I wore my tie-dye mini to work today with my cobalt eyeshadow and I think I look damn good.

    🙂

  6. my sister lives in jersey now and makes jokes about how she is afraid she may impale herself on the all the product in the boys hair…but i guess its a must!

  7. […] with mini-holes all over; super cute; super uncomfortable; these are the shoes I wore at the club in Jersey when waiting for Rob Base.  Red BCBG Pumps; again, super cute and super uncomfortable after being […]

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