The Curious Case of the Shower Creature

Yesterday morning, before getting in the shower, I conducted my usual ‘bug-check’.  This is a must since we have lots of spiders in our house and it’s one of my many worst nightmares to have the shower scene from Arachnophobia reenacted with me as the star.  The spiders in my house are FAR less life-threatening and disgusting, but still…

So after my bug check, I hopped in and began the shower process.  I looked down at one point and was startled by this large, black, Thing circling near the drain.  I know it wasn’t in the shower when I got there and I know I didn’t have anything to do with it.  Even if a ton of my hair did mysteriously fall out, it’s red, so I would have created a big, black blob.  Oddly, I remained fairly unfazed.  I lightly kicked it.  I don’t know why… perhaps to see if it was an animal?

(Which begs the question: If it had been alive, what would have been the scene to follow?  I suspect it would have included screams, slipping, breaking of bones, and later when I was out of traction, much  hilarity. )

It didn’t move though.

Finished with my shower, I continued with getting ready for work.  When I came back down to the bathroom to blow-dry my hair, I took notice that the black blob was gone. 

Odd.

Fast forward to yesterday evening and this conversation:

Me: Oh, I forgot to ask.  What was that black thing in the tub?
Wade: What are you talking about?
Me: The black thing near the drain.  It was in the shower with me (proceeded to describe above scenario) and then it was gone.  I assume you threw it away.  What was it?
W: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Me:  You don’t know what I’m talking about?  It’s a big black thing that was there and then it wasn’t.  You must have removed it.
W:  It wasn’t me. 
Me: You’re telling me that this big black thing that wasn’t there and then was there and is now not there just got up and walked away?
W: It must have.  Maybe it was a mouse.
Me: It was too big to be a mouse! 
W:  Maybe it was a rat.
Me:  AH!!  Maybe it was a bat!!
W: It wasn’t a bat.
Me:  How do you know if you didn’t see it?
W:  It wasn’t a bat.

About an hour later…

Me:  So you swear you didn’t have anything to do with the black blob?
W: Yes.  I swear.
Me:  Then why are you laughing.
W:  Because you’re making me laugh.
Me:  You swear on our love?
W:  I swear on our love.

15 Minutes later…

Me:  Why is there something wet in the garbage can?
W:  Because I just gave the dogs a bath and I cleaned the drain! 
Me: Oh.

Right before bed… now fully convinced I bathed with a rat who played dead and then sprang to life undetected while I was out of the room…   Well, I did something I’m not too proud of.  I dug a little deeper in the trash can, beyond the drain mini-dogs and found a blackened, wet paper towel. 

One more time:

Me:  So, what do you know about the wet, black paper towel in the trashcan.
W: Nothing.
Me:  Really? 
W:  Really… oh.  Right.  Yeah.  Yesterday I cleaned part of the shop-vac in the tub and I put the dirty paper towel on the side of the tub.  But you knew that all along, right?
Me:  No.  No, I didn’t not know that and now I have a partial ulcer because I thought I was bathing with a rat! 

In case it doesn’t come through, these conversations were ALL in jest and although I was panicked this didn’t cause any ‘badness’ between us. 🙂  Just sayin’…

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~ by zuzu on January 6, 2009.

3 Responses to “The Curious Case of the Shower Creature”

  1. LOL, too funny! Fortunately that would never happen here because my wife showers without her contact lenses in, and she can’t see a thing.

  2. I can hear these conversations and it cracks me up!

  3. Good story!
    I have no trouble with spiders. There would have been a shriek or two, though, had I kicked at that unknown swirly thing and gotten my foot smeared with black grease.

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