People I’ve Seen – Citizen’s Arrest Edition

It’s been awhile since I’ve had someone worthy of posting in ‘People I’ve Seen’, but, wow, did I meet a doozy!

Sunday evening I was working.  The big boat show just ended and it was the immediate post-show chaos of everyone wanting to leave at the same time.  I was minding my own business and available for the typical questions – where is my car? do I have to pay for parking?  The Coke machine ate my $2, what are you gonna do about it?

A woman approaches me and says, “Do you work here?”  ahhh….least favorite question ever….she is going to be mad about something…..

Of course, I can’t lie.  My nametag gives me up!  She immediately compliments the building so I know she’s not a complainer.  Phew.  Next she asks me if we ever have bridal shows.  This exchange is not at all bad, I think.  I proceed to explain how we haven’t had any, but it’s a possibility for the future and she should check our website for future events, etc., etc….

Then it turned in another direction.

She launches into a soapbox about how women don’t know how to dress and we all dress like tramps.  (I immediately took offense although I was wearing a button-down shirt and a pants suit!)  Her inquiry about bridal shows was not an interest for her lovely daughter who is getting married, rather she wanted to come and protest.  Brides dress like tramps.  Showing their necks and shoulders.  They should wear JACKETS!!!  At this point, God entered the conversation.  She explained how you can’t get married in some churches with your shoulders exposed… and on and on…  She was in a wedding last February and her shoulders were exposed and she got pneumonia.  She has now made the decision that she won’t be in a wedding if the dress exposes her shoulders.

I’d like to pause at this point in the story to thank my two girls, Amy & Amy, for not stepping in to rescue me.  (Careful, the dripping sarcasm may get on your computer.)

She FINALLY ends the conversation with a book recommendation for me – “How to NOT Dress Like  a Tramp” or something of the like – and she blessed me.  Good.  I’m saved.

I took this opportunity to jestily chastise one of the Amys for not saving me.

Then she came back.

She told me she thought of something else.  (Crap.)  She had been standing on the corner, waiting to cross the street and she waited and waited and waited…  the signal just never changed to the “white hand” to indicate she should cross the street.

I didn’t really have the heart or patience to tell her that there would never be a “white hand”.  It’ll either be a RED HAND or a WHITE MAN.  She’d be waiting a long time.  Instead I said, “You’ll have to discuss that with the city, I don’t have any control over that.”

And so began the rant about how jaywalkers are what is wrong with the world.  Jaywalkers should be arrested and put in jail.  I kid you not, she basically told me that I should be arresting these people.

What kind of power did this woman think I had??  I’m just a trampy-dressing-jaywalker who makes sure my building looks good and works properly when there is a fun event happening.  I can’t arrest people!  I can’t control the traffic lights!  I can’t revamp the entire bridal fashion industry!

But, she blessed me. Again. And finally left.

Shortly afterwards, I heard on the internal radio that a woman had been escorted out and told not to return.  As it turns out, this is not the first time she’s been there…just the first time she’s accosted me.

So I leave you with this: Put on some clothes before you illegally cross the street.  Or else.

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~ by zuzu on January 27, 2009.

7 Responses to “People I’ve Seen – Citizen’s Arrest Edition”

  1. wow, i came realllly close to wearing a tube top to work today. so glad i opted not to.

  2. Do you think that woman would be happy at our wedding? No trampy haircuts, no perfume, no make-up, hers-and-hers matching tuxes, what’s not to approve of?

  3. NICE! that is when i take the time to remind myself that it takes all kinds…right after i make a voodoo doll in their likeness to make myself feel better…

  4. After you’re done arresting all the jaywalkers, can you do something about those guys who stand in the medians selling newspapers?

  5. This post is hilarious! I will read it over and over whenever I am having a bad day.

  6. Wow, I am such a tramp. I showed my neck AND my shoulders at my wedding!

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