The Taxman Cometh

Here are some tidbits that you may want to know if you are waiting until the very, very, very last possibly moment to hit “send” on your e-file or rush to the post office:

1.  If you e-file and you owe, you do have the option to pay with a credit card.  However, not until you get to step 7 2/3 will you learn that there is a “convenience fee” of $220. 
2.  After step #1, you may think, “hey, I can still pay with credit card, but I’ll just transfer the $$ to my checking account.”  Again, no.  As this will result in you incurring a 20% finance charge plus an additional charge the bank throws in just for kicks.
3.  Finally, you may give up on the credit card thing and just go back to being a grown-up and pay with a check like the rest of the world.  This is fine and strongly recommended.
4.  Now you’ll almost get to the end of this dreadful process and you’ll be under the impression that all necessary forms have been completed.  Then, for some reason the IRS will suddenly need to know what your AGI is (because they can’t look it up themselves??). Of course you’ll not have that paperwork in front of you because it is sitting in its file at home (where your Internet crashed at 1 AM so you were unable to file the taxes last night) and you’ll have to dive deep into the black hole of password storage in your brain to find the username and password for the tax program you used last year that is different from this year because that tax program was wrong so they shouldn’t be used again.  At which point you realize that sometime within the past year or two, both you and your spouse have changed your email address and there are several variations on usernames and passwords that could have been selected, depending on which one of you actually set up the account so you have to start checking various email accounts (and remember all those passwords, too!!!).  When you finally figure it out you’ll be asked to answer the security question to allow you to access the info that is located in a box within a box within a treasure chest with a key that has been swallowed by your cousins’ next door neighbor’s pet pot-bellied pig and the question is “What is the name of your first pet?”  As this account is (of course!!!) set up in your spouse’s name then you will have to delve back into that black hole of information that was filed under “Crap I Will Never Be Required To Know” and you’ll find a selection ranging from Willis to Julio to Annie and you’ll inevitably choose the wrong one.  At this point, you’ll see in the lower right hand corner in fine print and backwards that you can call the IRS and get the info from them (duh!).  You’ll call and get a computer and think “Ahhhhh!!!!!” and then the computer will start playing the Nutcracker Suitewhile you wait for an agent to pick up and despite it being minutes before the deadline an agent will actually pick up and start the grilling process.  Be prepared, they need: You SSN, your spouse’s SSN, your address, the name of your 2nd grade Science teacher and his/her current phone number, your birthday, your Uncle Marty’s IQ and your spouse’s birthday all divided by pi.  Then they’ll give you the info you need. 

Then, and only then, can you hit send.  And now you’re on to filing the state taxes…

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~ by zuzu on April 15, 2009.

4 Responses to “The Taxman Cometh”

  1. I found a huge benefit of being married this year – my husband did our taxes. Score! I feel your pain about the endless email address/password combinations.

  2. They make it so hard for you to give them your money! Ummmm, I mean, THEIR money! Please don’t audit me!!!!

  3. I hate to pay this year too. After yelling at the H&R Block website for a good 20 min, D calmly reminded me that it was not exactly their fault. I was still mad.

  4. This is why I go to the accountant. I throw m file of paperwork at him, sit in a chair and watch his fish and stare at his sports memorabilia and 30 minutes later everything is filed and he presents me with my parting gift (you receive X from Federal, X from RI, and owe MA (of course) X). Then I leave and don’t think about it again until next year when I call to make an appointment. For me, it is $150 well spent!

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