Is there a name for this?

I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before, but I’m just not a kid person.  With the exception of a handful of kids (my nephews and kids of my friends), I don’t particularly care for children and, frankly, they don’t care for me.  I am convinced that I give off a I-Don’t-Like-You vibe to children… similar to how dogs supposedly smell fear, kids smell that I don’t like them.

That being said, I cannot see myself ever having kids.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said that and I get the response of, “Oh, you just wait…” or “You say that now, but…” or “What does Wade think of that??”

To respond the latter first (not that it’s anyone’s business) – We’ve discussed this and we’re on the same page.  Our marriage is not going to be put in jeopardy due to some resentful feelings that arise over children.  Put that one to bed now.

The other statements…  I realize that this is a biological thing and if one day I am awoken by the loud ticking of a biological clock, I’m not going to hit the snooze button because I am convinced I don’t want children.  I’m just saying NOW that I don’t ever see it happening.

With that, I’m 31 and my husband is 37 and we are surrounded by friends in the 25-45 age range.  Prime kid-having ages.  And a majority of those friends are having or have had kids.  Great for them!  (And I swear I am NOT being sarcastic)  But we are lately finding ourselves in the minority.

Big time.

We find ourselves in one of following scenarios more often than not:

a.) We are invited to [insert party/dinner date/etc.] and we are the only couple there who has not brought their children.
b.) We are not invited at all.

The above scenarios refer to those friends who still want something to do with us.  Some friends have dropped us all together because of the lack of children.  No, they haven’t said that’s why…it’s just a hunch.  What other explanation is there?  We’re awesome!

At this point in time, I can easily count on one hand the childless friends I have… and I think we need to for a support group.

** I would just like to reiterate: I have NOTHING against other people having kids.  I think it is fantastic. For them.

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~ by zuzu on February 7, 2010.

3 Responses to “Is there a name for this?”

  1. A “support group” is a brilliant idea! Get together with your handful of childless friends one evening as a humourous gesture, and see where it goes from there. Plan a few activities that children wouldn’t be caught dead at — the opera, a play, an art gallery, a restaurant that doesn’t serve hamburgers, a seminar on gardening, a Scrabble game, a dawn fishing trip… you get the idea. Good luck!

  2. As the mother to your nephews, I can tell you that the boys love you so I don’t think you send off a go away vibe. Just for the record 😉

    For those that continually ask, tell them they are rude. I see nothing wrong with not wanting children (now or ever). It is a personal choice and really is none of anyone else’s business. I think I did ask you once but only because I didn’t want to give away all my baby stuff and then find out two weeks later you were preggos 🙂

    A childless friend recommends this book: The Childless Revolution: What It Means to be Childless by Madelyn Cain

  3. Fur kids (and mallards) are enough for people like you (and me). My husband and I married 8 years ago (i was 32 and he was 39). Primo time to hurry up and have kids. i never wanted them and he was wishy washy about it. he always said “in 2 years…”but then 2 years would roll around and he’d push it out anoher 2 years. and that was BEFORE he met me. When he met me, he was fine w/not having them and reasoned he probably didn’t because of the propetual 2 year goal he always moved out.

    I was also was prone to hear that “when they’re YOUR kids…” blah blah blah. well, stick it out kid. when you’re 40, people stop expecting or asking you when you’re having kids and stop saying “you’ll see…”

    I’ve always said i didn’t want them. that said… if i accidentally got preggers tomorrow, i’d have the kid. because we’re stable enough as a couple to deal with it financially and emotionally. and i’d probably like the kid and probably dote on it etc. But that doesn’t make me want to go out right now and have one, i tell ya!

    My hubby and I are very happy with our dogs. life is easier in some ways for us. we have enough other stuff that keeps us stressed or occupied. so we’re good.

    I felt the same way at 32 that you feel at 31, and believe me, we don’t have regrets. Things don’t change that much or that dramatically for those who really don’t feel the clock ticking. so you have someone out here in the blogging community that is just anecdotal evidence for your rebuttal. sad that you even need one.

    and WHY in the HELL do we live in a nation that celebrates people having so many children anyway (the rediculous octuplate mother, and that plus 8 reality idiot). seriously, we celebratize people who have too many.

    sometimes i used to shock people with “kids? are you kidding? No, thank you!” or I’d laugh like it was preposterous. make the kid-lover person feel like a dummy for even asking.

    that book above sounds interesting. but i bet it’s better read by people who like having children than people who don’t because people who don’t have children pretty much understand the consequences of their choice versus people who jump in to having kids w/o really considering the entire reality. it should be mandatory reading for anyone who’s preggers or considering having kids. LOL

    anyway, just letting you know a perfect stranger thinks there’s nothing wrong w/childless couples. i know lots of them!

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