Refresher Course

Dear U.S. Mail Contractor #54 ~

It was me.  The person who was yelling expletives and gesturing wildly at you.  Me.  Why?  Because you are a jackass.

I’m not sure if you need a refresher course on driving and/or you missed the class when you went for your CDL where they taught you how to drive, but here are some pointers that may make your driving experience – and ours – more enjoyable.

1.  You are an oversized vehicle.  Right away, this is an indicator that you should probably limit your lane accessibility to the right.  The left lane is for PASSING not for TRAVELING.

2.  If you decide to travel in the left lane, please have the decency to maintain a speed of at least the speed limit + 5 miles per hour.  Anything less is just not acceptable.

3.  If you have to exit on the right, do not move into the left lane to pass everyone just to get to your exit that much sooner.  It makes people angry and it isn’t fair to those who have to exit on the left.

4.  When changing lanes, please follow these rules:
      a. Turn on your directional signal.
      b. Wait for there to be a break in between the two vehicles in which you are attempting to wedge yourself (and your oversizedness).
      c.  When the vehicle which will ultimately be behind you honks their horn because you are dangerously close to removing their front hood and all necessary engine parts, this does not mean proceed with caution.  This mean “Get back in your lane you jackass!! There is no room for your kind in this lane!!!”
      d.  See rule number 3.  You have just made matter much worse as you have proven that you didn’t belong in that lane to begin with. 

5.  That is not a real bird that is being flipped at you.

Most sincerely,
Ms. Mazda

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~ by zuzu on June 30, 2010.

2 Responses to “Refresher Course”

  1. Mrs. Smith,
    Writing disparaging remarks about a U.S. Postal Service employee or affiliation is in direct violation of USPS Penal Code A-45-t. We will be suspending your mail from now on… from a really tall tree.

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